Martial Angels (2001)
Years after the heyday of Hong Kong's Girls with Guns movies had ended, there was a mini-revival in 2001-02. They seemed like a response to the popularity of the Charlie's Angels movies, which themselves were influenced by Hong Kong action movies and the Girls with Guns/Chicks with Kicks flicks. Weirdly enough, the three main movies listed as part of that revival all star Shu Qi (Millennium Mambo). This one has a poor reputation, but with the premise, Shu Qi, and director Clarence Fok/Ford (Naked Killer) I was cautiously optimistic.
Shu Qi is Cat, who worked with six other animal-named women as high-level thieves. She fell in love with a dude thief (Julian Cheung), then eventually decided to leave him and the elite thievery behind to become... a secretary? He gets kidnapped and she is forced to try and steal some security techno whatsit from her job, reuniting her with her old team.
Yeah, this is trash. Shu Qi's lips leading a cast of beautiful women stealing shit and kicking ass should be way more fun than this. The plot hinges on a relationship that it never comes close to making us care about. To pull off the heist, they need the finger prints of Fred (prolific HK producer/writer/director Wong Jing, who oddly enough did not seem to produce this movie). In Charlie's Angels they would accomplish this by doing something silly/sexy/spy-like in a quick montage or a set piece. In this movie it takes a long series of clumsy flirtations over multiple scenes (this is a good chunk of the movie!) that eventually degenerate into one of the women just forcing him to grope her anyway.
They also need the help of a perverted and imprisoned bomb maker Bone. At first it seemed like they were saying he was the back up plan if they couldn't get the fingerprints, but eventually they need both? They visit him in prison, and despite being warned he is a pervert they are shocked when he jerks off to team member Spider. Later they get him sent to the hospital and extract him from custody to go on the heist. He says he wants Spider, not money, they refuse. Then on the job, he helps them open the vault and Spider has to stay in place not moving to keep the doors open... So of course the other two girls leave her there with Bone so he can rape her while they complete the heist.
They could have easily made Bone go with them or one of them could have stayed, knowing he is a dangerous pervert who wants Spider, but everyone in this movie is stupid and sucks. After the assault, Bone tells Spider now he is willing to die for her. Spoiler alert, the fucking rapist gets to sacrifice himself to save her later in a completely unnecessary bit where he gets impaled with a pipe.
Then she uses that same pipe to kill the guy who killed him in a way that kinda frames it as revenge for her rapist?! Ugh. There are some betrayals and bullshit and blah blah blah, the movie ends long after my patience with it did.
So, the plot is crapola, the heist angle is poorly executed, but at least we have hot ladies kicking ass, right? Sadly, the action comes in moderate quantity and low quality. There are a couple shootouts, but they are the most basic shots of someone standing and shooting cutting to someone getting hit and falling. Nobody does anything cool or crazy. Apart from some satisfying shotgun blasts sending people flying, there is none of the energy or excitement you want from Hong Kong action. Fights fare even worse, as anytime fists and feet start flying it degenerates into close-ups and quick edits and angle changes with barely a single exchange existing entirely in one shot.
The sex appeal angle also comes up short. During the opening credits, after each actress's name there is a shot of them coming out of a pool wet and seemingly naked (the camera doesn't show below their shoulders). Unfortunately, that is about as sexy as things get. Shu Qi wears a cute outfit or two and gets to pout (always sexy), but for the most part wardrobe and photography are not taking advantage of the fact that they have SEVEN beautiful women in a movie with very little else going for it.
And even though Fred's "seduction" and Bone assaulting Spider are done in poor taste, they aren't done in graphic or titillating ways as one might assume from many other Hong Kong movies. Its crappy action and pervy-ness are too violent and nasty to be frothy fun, but not over the top or lurid enough to be exciting or memorable. All that adds up to a wet noodle of a movie. I don't know how the director of Naked Killer could make something so bland.
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