Black Scorpion II (1997)

adamsoverduereview
5 hours ago
5 min read

The first Black Scorpion (1995) took its cues from Tim Burton’s Batman movies (especially the horniness of Batman Returns) in its origin story for cop turned vigilante Darcy Walker/Black Scorpion (Joan Severance). This 1997 sequel feels more indebted to the Joel Schumacher Batman flicks and the Adam West Batman TV series that inspired them. Black Scorpion II premiered on cable a month before Batman & Robin hit theaters, but two years after Schumacher’s Batman Forever. The constantly moving and tilting camera, colors, cartoon tone and villainy reminded me of Schumacher’s hyperactive 90s take on the 60s show, but with a budget closer to the TV series than the Hollywood blockbuster.

The movie’s best addition to the Black Scorpion universe is flamboyant villain the Gangster Prankster (Stoney Jackson, Streets of Fire). He is like a visual combination of the Joker and Two-Face, giving possibly an even bigger performance than Jim Carrey’s Riddler in Batman Forever. The half-clown make-up/scarring also reminded me of when Prince did half a Joker face in his music video for the original Burton Batman.

If you are irritated by the first scene of the Gangster Prankster shouting and gibbering at the camera while it bounces around, that is your sign to get off this ride now. I found him quite amusing, and my wife LOVED him. In the Batman ‘66 tradition he has a random sexy lady sidekick, Giggles (Jeannie Millar), and some minions. The minions are hip hop hooligans who could be the bad guys in a House Party movie, and dance on the line between caricature and genuinely funny.

The other main antagonist starts out as Professor Urusla Undershaft, who then becomes the supervillain Aftershock. I enjoyed the fact that Sherrie Rose (Demon Knight) as the Professor was already giving crazy Kate McKinnon-eyes, but after she becomes Aftershock she never really goes full batshit.

and she'll tease, she'll unease you/ she's got kate mckinnon eyes

She is eventually paired up with the Gangster Prankster, so maybe they wanted to balance out the fact that the Prankster is always turned up to 11. I must also note that Aftershock looks like she walked straight out of a 90s Image Comic. Huge hair, goofy head gear, ridiculous and revealing costume, she is ready to fight WildC.A.T.s or Youngblood and I am here for it!

it does bother me slighty that the headpiece doesn't go all the way to her hairline

There have been some changes since the first movie. Black Scorpion’s car has machineguns now! Captain Strickland (Stephen Lee) has switched from constantly smoking to constantly eating. Not as funny, but again Lee’s commitment to the bit is amusing. Argyle (Garrett Morris) is still Darcy’s only confidante and helper in White Black Scorpion’s superhero operation, but he is now dating side character Tender Lovin’ (Terri J. Vaughn) from the first movie, who has quit being a prostitute and opened a lingerie store.

Some changes hurt the sequel, though. The role of Darcy’s partner/love interest has replaced Michael (Bruce Abbott) with Rick (Whip Hubley). I thought Abbott was okay in the first movie, but he looks better in retrospect compared to Hubley. They have the exact same relationship dynamic with Darcy/Scorpion, so I thought they had just re-cast the character until I looked at IMDB and saw different names. Rick is written a little douchier and performed a lot douchier. The actor’s name “Whip Hubley” conjures up an image of a specific kind of asshole in my mind, and Hubley is exactly that guy! At this point Darcy’s Black Scorpion activities frequently require her to disappear in the middle of police action, so everybody is also questioning her cop skills. Seeing the competent, confident badass of the first movie get shit on by the other crappy cops while she is also pursuing and being ignored by doofus Rick was frustrating.

I don’t know how much I can blame Hubley for how Rick was written and directed in the movie’s most insane scene, though. Darcy is having trouble getting Rick the prick to give her dick. Tender Lovin’ advises Darcy to just let Rick see some lingerie and he will imagine her in it, so she leaves a fancy box in her kitchen (Rick has moved in due to Aftershock’s earthquake wrecking his place). Rick finds it when she’s not around and opens it. He proceeds to… sniff the lingerie and… put the panties on his head and rub them around. Then he fantasizes about Darcy wearing the lingerie and smoking a cigar, something I always thought was a weird thing to fetishize (but I’m not a gross rich old guy or a business bro so what do I know?). Real Darcy walks in on a sweaty Rick full on panting and pantied, then he tries to play it off and toss them away before retreating to a cold shower. A truly baffling sequence of events. Later on they eventually hook-up off-screen and out of costume, boo! Darcy even pulls a blanket over their fully clothed bodies before it cuts away, double boo!

The whole movie is even more over the top, cartoonish, and campy than the first film. I enjoyed that when it came to some aspects, but it means the confident, lightly kinky sex appeal of the original has been replaced by the horniness of a 13 year old boy who recently suffered a head injury and missed school during all the important sex education classes. There is some brief (but appreciated) random nudity when Giggles jiggles and briefly takes her top off, which is also accompanied by cartoonish mugging from the other minions. If Black Scorpion is a movie that fucks, then Black Scorpion II is a movie that jerks off to the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue. It must have been a conscious choice, as both Roger Corman-produced movies come from director Jonathan Winfrey and writer Craig J. Nevius (co-writer of Corman’s ashcan Fantastic Four movie!). Maybe they were leaning more towards the goofy tone and sexless T & A they could replicate in a TV series, since that’s where this franchise was headed. This was still a fun time, especially with the new villains, but I didn’t enjoy it quite as much as the original.

My last issue is entirely superficial, they changed Black Scorpion’s costume and I think it isn’t as cool or as hot! I am usually more chest-obsessed, so the new cleavage-forward costume should be up my alley. Instead I missed the sculpted top and tighter cut bottoms that showed off Severance’s legs and hips. This outfit looks a little cheaper and crappier. Less ass and less badass. The movie specifically reminded me of this because the very last shot of Black Scorpion II is recycled footage from the end of the first movie that has her in the original costume!