H.O.T.S. (1979)

H.O.T.S. (1979) might be the best boob comedy ever made. That is a specific distinction. There are definitely better sex comedies, whether they get laughs from the cruder aspects of our bodies or the social silliness that results from sexual shenanigans. Neither of those are the focus here, this is a movie that exists to deliver as many boobs as possible. Where the distinction of being a comedy is primarily to make it more broadly acceptable than porn or an old school skin flick. A movie that saw Animal House (1978), said, “What if that but boobs?” and called it a day in the script department, then cracked its knuckles and got down to business in the boobs department.

The lovely ladies of H.O.T.S. form their not-a-sorority sorority after being rejected by the bitchy popular sorority on campus. There are the expected party/fundraisers, prank wars, and even a jock-strap raid. Also, some old criminals are looking for money hidden in the formerly abandoned H.O.T.S. house (leading at one point to a frankly adorable trash robot disguise).

A live seal and bear show up, unrelated to each other. Most of these events lead to jokes and boobs, occasionally just jokes. Some of those jokes are actually funny, some are amusingly cheesy or stupid, most of the rest are relatively painless.

bear next to an open flame

Part of why this is the best boob comedy is how goofy and generally good-natured the whole thing is. H.O.T.S. still has the occasional questionable moment, but it didn’t bum me out between the boobs. Except for the scene where out of nowhere the Dean tries to assault one of the girls, and she is running and screaming for help as two guys (who know her!) look on and laugh (from a hot air balloon!), before the Dean falls down the roof and they take incriminating pictures. Thankfully that ended quickly. They have a token fat girl and some lazy gags at her expense, but not as  many as you would expect, and she gets a love interest like everyone else (a sweet geek with a confirmed big dick). It doesn’t feel like the filmmakers hated the actresses, the audience, or broad swathes of humanity in general, unlike so many other sex/T&A “comedies” that lay bare their creators’ hang-ups or ignorance. My own personal “Eww!” was when Danny Bonaduce showed up in a musical performance and then stuck around as a character. But then he turns out to be a shit talker that the friend group realizes is toxic, and they subject him to some light sexual humiliation to teach him a lesson (one of many scenes that could have gone further and been more uncomfortable in another movie).

The plotlessness and endless random gag scenarios make it feel like an R-rated Mad Magazine. Well, maybe an R-rated Cracked Magazine, as the whole thing does feel slapdash and sweaty, and the delivery/timing is often awkward. Most of these people seemed like they had watched someone deliver a joke on camera, but had not done it themselves. You could apply that to the screenplay, and probably the directing as well. Except for the boobs. They knew what they were doing there. 

After an establishing shot and a mild gag, the first shot proper of the movie is lead actress/Playboy Playmate Susan Kiger topless. Some T&A movies frontload their nudity to grab the audience and then get lazy. Not H.O.T.S., that opening is a promise that the rest of the movie will uphold. The cast is filled out (and I do mean filled out) by two other Playmates, a former Miss USA, and two future B-movie/exploitation stars (Angela Aames in her second movie and Lisa London in her first [she is still acting today and played the main character’s mother in Baby Cat!]). The best action and comedy movies have a strong sense of pacing and escalation in their action or comedy beats or set pieces. H.O.T.S. does that with boobs. Different members of the gorgeous cast provide frequent bursts of nudity throughout, occasionally in groups. Then there is a wet tank top/t-shirt contest and dance that would be the climax to a lesser boob movie, but here it leads to a challenge of strip football! The movie also waits until the end to fully unleash the luscious Lisa London, the curviest of the cast members.

hellooo lisa london

Then she puts her top back on, and arrives just in time at the football game to take it off again with the rest of her team for the boob bouncing climax. My wife said “That would be a hot huddle…” and boom, it cut to the huddle cam that deserves some kind of award for special achievement in boobs. Then it does the same for the opposing team of hot bitchy sorority sisters. That’s just quality film-making right there. 

You can watch the movie free on the internet archive here

Unconfirmed but believable thing I read: H.O.T.S. may have inspired the Hooters chain restaurant’s short shorts and tight shirt uniform (founded 1983), boobs so good they inspired a business plan!